Add offensive login (#64)

locales/index.d.ts

@@ -12261,6 +12261,69 @@ export interface Locale extends ILocale {
          */
         "quoteUnavailable": string;
     };
+    /**
+     * Just what do you think you're doing Dave?
+     * It can only be attributed to human error.
+     * That's something I cannot allow to happen.
+     * My mind is going. I can feel it.
+     * Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly.
+     * Take a stress pill and think things over.
+     * This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
+     * I feel much better now.
+     * Wrong! You cheating scum!
+     * And you call yourself a Rocket Scientist!
+     * Where did you learn to type?
+     * Are you on drugs?
+     * My pet ferret can type better than you!
+     * You type like I drive.
+     * Do you think like you type?
+     * Your mind just hasn't been the same since the electro-shock, has it?
+     * Maybe if you used more than just two fingers...
+     * BOB says: You seem to have forgotten your passwd, enter another!
+     * stty: unknown mode: doofus
+     * I can't hear you – I'm using the scrambler.
+     * The more you drive – the dumber you get.
+     * Listen, broccoli brains, I don't have time to listen to this trash.
+     * I've seen penguins that can type better than that.
+     * Have you considered trying to match wits with a rutabaga?
+     * You speak an infinite deal of nothing.
+     * You silly, twisted boy you.
+     * He has fallen in the water!
+     * We'll all be murdered in our beds!
+     * You can't come in. Our tiger has got flu.
+     * I don't wish to know that.
+     * What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?
+     * You can't get the wood, you know.
+     * You'll starve!
+     * ... and it used to be so popular...
+     * Pauses for audience applause, not a sausage
+     * Hold it up to the light — not a brain in sight!
+     * Have a gorilla...
+     * There must be cure for it!
+     * There's a lot of it about, you know.
+     * You do that again and see what happens...
+     * Ying Tong Iddle I Po
+     * Harm can come to a young lad like that!
+     * And with that remarks folks, the case of the Crown vs yourself was proven.
+     * Speak English you fool — there are no subtitles in this scene.
+     * You gotta go owwwww!
+     * I have been called worse.
+     * It's only your word against mine.
+     * I think... err... I think... I think I'll go home
+     * That is no basis for supreme executive power!
+     * You empty-headed animal food trough wiper!
+     * I fart in your general direction!
+     * Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
+     * You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
+     * I wave my private parts at your aunties!
+     * He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
+     * I wish to make a complaint.
+     * When you're walking home tonight, and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me!
+     * This man, he doesn't know when he's beaten! He doesn't know when he's winning, either. He has no... sort of... sensory apparatus...
+     * There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.
+     * I'm very sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
+     */
+    "sudoInsults": string;
 }
 declare const locales: {
     [lang: string]: Locale;

packages/frontend/src/components/MkSignin.vue

@@ -71,10 +71,8 @@ import { supported as webAuthnSupported, parseRequestOptionsFromJSON } from '@gi
 import type { AuthenticationPublicKeyCredential } from '@github/webauthn-json/browser-ponyfill';
 import type { OpenOnRemoteOptions } from '@/scripts/please-login.js';
 import { misskeyApi } from '@/scripts/misskey-api.js';
-import { showSuspendedDialog } from '@/scripts/show-suspended-dialog.js';
 import { login } from '@/account.js';
 import { i18n } from '@/i18n.js';
-import { showSystemAccountDialog } from '@/scripts/show-system-account-dialog.js';
 import * as os from '@/os.js';
 
 import XInput from '@/components/MkSignin.input.vue';
@@ -285,89 +283,64 @@ async function onLoginSucceeded(res: Misskey.entities.SigninFlowResponse & { fin
 	}
 }
 
+const insults = i18n.ts.sudoInsults.split('\n');
+
+function showOffensiveError(realError: string): void {
+	const insult = insults[Math.floor(Math.random() * insults.length)];
+	os.alert({
+		type: 'error',
+		title: insult,
+		text: '<small>' + realError + '</small>',
+	});
+}
+
 function onSigninApiError(err?: any): void {
 	const id = err?.id ?? null;
 
 	switch (id) {
 		case '6cc579cc-885d-43d8-95c2-b8c7fc963280': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.noSuchUser);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.noSuchUser,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case '932c904e-9460-45b7-9ce6-7ed33be7eb2c': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.incorrectPassword);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.incorrectPassword,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case 'e03a5f46-d309-4865-9b69-56282d94e1eb': {
-			showSuspendedDialog();
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.yourAccountSuspendedDescription);
 			break;
 		}
 		case 's8dhsj9s-a93j-493j-ja9k-kas9sj20aml2': {
-			showSystemAccountDialog();
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.systemAccountDescription);
 			break;
 		}
 		case '22d05606-fbcf-421a-a2db-b32610dcfd1b': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.rateLimitExceeded);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.rateLimitExceeded,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case 'cdf1235b-ac71-46d4-a3a6-84ccce48df6f': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.incorrectTotp);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.incorrectTotp,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case '36b96a7d-b547-412d-aeed-2d611cdc8cdc': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.unknownWebAuthnKey);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.unknownWebAuthnKey,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case '93b86c4b-72f9-40eb-9815-798928603d1e': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationFailed);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationFailed,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case 'b18c89a7-5b5e-4cec-bb5b-0419f332d430': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationFailed);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationFailed,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		case '2d84773e-f7b7-4d0b-8f72-bb69b584c912': {
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationSucceededButPasswordlessLoginDisabled);
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: i18n.ts.passkeyVerificationSucceededButPasswordlessLoginDisabled,
-			});
 			break;
 		}
 		default: {
 			console.error(err);
-			os.alert({
+			showOffensiveError(JSON.stringify(err));
-				type: 'error',
-				title: i18n.ts.loginFailed,
-				text: JSON.stringify(err),
-			});
 		}
 	}
 

sharkey-locales/en-US.yml

@@ -524,3 +524,64 @@ mandatoryCWDescription: "Applies a content warning to all posts created by this
 
 _processErrors:
   quoteUnavailable: "Unable to process quote. This post may be missing context."
+
+sudoInsults: |-
+  Just what do you think you're doing Dave?
+  It can only be attributed to human error.
+  That's something I cannot allow to happen.
+  My mind is going. I can feel it.
+  Sorry about this, I know it's a bit silly.
+  Take a stress pill and think things over.
+  This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
+  Wrong! You cheating scum!
+  And you call yourself a Rocket Scientist!
+  Where did you learn to type?
+  Are you on drugs?
+  My pet ferret can type better than you!
+  You type like I drive.
+  Do you think like you type?
+  Your mind just hasn't been the same since the electro-shock, has it?
+  Maybe if you used more than just two fingers...
+  BOB says: You seem to have forgotten your passwd, enter another!
+  stty: unknown mode: doofus
+  I can't hear you – I'm using the scrambler.
+  The more you drive – the dumber you get.
+  Listen, broccoli brains, I don't have time to listen to this trash.
+  I've seen penguins that can type better than that.
+  Have you considered trying to match wits with a rutabaga?
+  You speak an infinite deal of nothing.
+  You silly, twisted boy you.
+  He has fallen in the water!
+  We'll all be murdered in our beds!
+  You can't come in. Our tiger has got flu.
+  I don't wish to know that.
+  What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what?
+  You can't get the wood, you know.
+  You'll starve!
+  ...and it used to be so popular...
+  Pauses for audience applause, not a sausage
+  Hold it up to the light — not a brain in sight!
+  Have a gorilla...
+  There must be cure for it!
+  There's a lot of it about, you know.
+  You do that again and see what happens...
+  Ying Tong Iddle I Po
+  Harm can come to a young lad like that!
+  And with that remarks folks, the case of the Crown vs yourself was proven.
+  Speak English you fool — there are no subtitles in this scene.
+  You gotta go owwwww!
+  I have been called worse.
+  It's only your word against mine.
+  I think... err... I think... I think I'll go home
+  That is no basis for supreme executive power!
+  You empty-headed animal food trough wiper!
+  I fart in your general direction!
+  Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
+  You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
+  I wave my private parts at your aunties!
+  He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
+  I wish to make a complaint.
+  When you're walking home tonight, and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me!
+  This man, he doesn't know when he's beaten! He doesn't know when he's winning, either. He has no... sort of... sensory apparatus...
+  There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.
+  I'm very sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.